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Introducing a Caregiver to your Aging Loved One

 

Below are some basic suggestions to assist you in introducing home care assistance.

 Caregiver

  1. Lower your own expectations.  It is not realistic to expect that individuals who have been managing their own life from A to Z are going to welcome others taking over.  Understand that things will not change overnight.
  2. Acknowledge their fear.  Most seniors feel that once they accept help, even in the most minimal way, it is the “beginning of the end” for them.   This is scary and they want to prolong this first step for as long as possible.
  3. Introduce the topic slowly. Start by asking your parents some open ended questions, such as, “Tell me how you’re managing things day to day?”  Not, “Can you do the housekeeping?” – which will draw a quick “yes” and an abrupt end to the discussion.
  4. Qualifications.  Make sure that the caregiver is a qualified nurse’s aide (attendant, caregiver) and able to assist with personal care (bathing, dressing, etc.). Professionals will understand and expect that their introduction into the home may be about little things at first, and gradually build to more over time.
  5. Introducing groceries and cooking.  Suggest the caregiver start to phone your parents prior to her visit to state that she is running to the grocery store on the way to their house and would your parents like her to pick up a few things (milk, coffee, bread).  Presented in this fashion, it will not feel like your parents are in “need”, but are benefitting from a convenience.
    1. Slowly, this person can ask if they would like her to “run to the store” quickly at the end of her day.  Soon, she can suggest she bring them along to do the shopping themselves.
    2. One day, this person can show up with a bag of groceries, stating they have a “surprise” and cook a meal WITH your parents (if they want).  By this time, there should be a nice rapport and relationship, so this would be a fun activity to do as “friends.”  Again, this is not a “need”. 
    3. Over time, this could build into a weekly/daily activity.
  6. Introducing medication assistance.  Once this person is in the home, they can ask to assist your parents with minor organization, such as placing their medication and other supplies in one location.  Then, this person will have access to their medication and can slowly begin to monitor the medication to ensure it is being taken properly.
  7. It costs too much!  When/if your parents resist due to finances, there are a few ways to proceed. 
    1. You can pay yourself, if you have the money. 
    2. You can sit down with your parents and review their finances to reassure them that they have the funds.  Look into tax write off’s for home health support.
    3. If you have a banking power of attorney, you can make the payments directly so your parents do not have to see the bill.
    4. IF you have discussed “assisted living” environments in the past, you can compare costs.
    5. Be honest! You can talk about the risks that are currently in the home.  Are your parents willing to end up hospitalized and then placed in a facility?  Or, would they rather spend some money up front?  Not eating well is a risk that can lead to hospitalization and subsequently a medical evaluation that finds the person incapable of living autonomously.
    6. You can look at existing insurance policies to assess if there are funds available, or if the policy can be “cashed out” and used towards help. Do they have a Long Term Care Policy?
    7. Seek the VA Aid and Attendance Benefit, if applicable
  8. Following up.  “Are there ways she’s helping you that you didn’t expect?” (Oh, how nice).  If your parents do not want to “fess up” to all the things this person is doing, do not push it.  Does it really matter?  As long as they are getting what they need, you can find out from the aide/caregiver what she is doing straight from her.
  9. Discuss your concerns lovingly.  When you were a child, your parents encouraged you to make healthy and appropriate decisions.  You are honoring them by behaving in the same way, making good decisions for their health and safety.  Share this with them.
  10. Be honest.  Your parents will know if you are trying to “trick” them and this never works. Dishonesty will always backfire


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